I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
