If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
