Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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