there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
