I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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