marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
