think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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