Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
