well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
