OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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