I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
