R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
