3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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