she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
