oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have tasted many bathrooms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
