All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
