Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
