Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
