I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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