yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
