he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
