rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
