420 ftw
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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