Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
