Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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