Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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