Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
