your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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