Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
