Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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