New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
