no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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