So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
