I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
