I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Jerry, you need to find god
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
