woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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