so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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