I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
