Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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