So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
