I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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