Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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