So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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