just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
