I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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