Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
