the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
