I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
