Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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