omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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