Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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