If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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