i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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