I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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