apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
