I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They have beer where we have blood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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