I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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