I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
