This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
