why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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