dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
