I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
