I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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