Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
