be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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