Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
