life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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