Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
