Do you still have your period?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
should my penis look like a turkey
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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