So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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