she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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