he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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